I didn't realize until my sophmore year of highschool, the challenges I would face as I became more aware of my surroundings and mental health. There was no other way to go about describing everything that I felt other than to say it was overwhelming. Sophmore year heightened my lack of confidence in skill, appearance, and social-relationships and my physical health worsened simultaneously. I had an instinct to supress my emotions around my friends, family, and schoolmates.
I was scared. The same year, I met a girl, who was white, the same age as me who was able to drop out of public school and continued her education online and had access to a therapist weekly, along with very compassionate and loving parents. I envied her because the longer I analyzed myself, the more I craved help. But the situation was, my relationship with my parents felt unstable enough and with Asian parents, there were always such high expectations. They hated to see me cry, they wanted to see me work tirelessly for school for hours a day,
they believed that I couldn't have any problems, they couldn't fathom that my morals and beliefs wouldn't align with theirs. They didn't believe in mental health. No one would take me seriously if I were to speak up on my mental health, is what I believe, because I was raised to not feel hurt by anything,
that my parents have gone through hell and that my life's perfect. But in reality, there's too much I feel that is on my plate. If I weren't who I am, maybe the help and attention I crave would be granted to me. If I were that girl, maybe I would have someone who could fix me.
Maybe if my parents, could miraculously understand me and not belittle my thoughts and feelings, I would feel fixed.
But being Asian, being Filipino is something I can't change.
Anon, 16
It is really hard to say if I am depressed to my family and friends because it is a taboo topic almost everywhere. It is often looked down upon.
A big factor is the response that I might get. If I told my mom that I am depressed, she would take it as a demon is trying to possess me. The reaction that I am mainly scared of is
“Oh, you are making me uncomfortable,” Or “You’ll get over it. Just be happy.”
The scariest part is choosing to tell someone who is important to you and they end up making you feel bad about having depression or another mental health concern.
There was so many times when I said I had a stomach ache and my aunt says: “No you don’t. You just think that.” Imagine trying to tell her that I was depressed.
As Asians, we are often pushed inside the bubble of “model minority” and “good at math.” We are forced to fit into this mold and are considered “not Asian” if we don’t fit.
Anon, 17
I was facing some problems with my mental health and realize I couldn’t get help. My parents don’t believe in mental illnesses in anyway. When I told them, they would guilt trip and tell me “mental health” doesn’t exist.
This made me realize in South Asian culture, mental health is a huge taboo. It was hard to eat, sleep, and focus in school.
I didn’t know what I was feeling but it didn’t feel like just sadness and my family thought it was because i wanted attention.
Because of this, I find it hard to open up to them and feel like a burden. especially in this culture, women are told to stay quiet and don’t bother anyone or cause a nuisance.
Mental health should be taken seriously all around as it affects you in every way.
Anon, 17
I have an aunt with schizophrenia but my family doesn't want anyone outside the family to know because they think she'll be looked down on.
Anon, 17